HMTV aka Harvest Moon TV
by Hogwarts Graduate
Summary: A crazy talk show starring me (lindsay) and liz. . .and alllllll the harvest moon people. Chapter 8 is up! Check it out!! Please please please read and review!!!!
1. Gwen and Bob

Author's Note: hiya! It is US. Lindsay and Liz. we're back again with another pointless and plot-less story about harvest moon. please, please, please review. flames are welcome as long as we can tell exactly why you hated it, and remember we warned you about the severe lack of plot. So continue at your own risk. no lifeguards on duty.  
  
Liz: ok, introduce us Lindsay  
  
Lindsay: ME! Why do I have to do it??  
  
Liz: Cause, I'm only 12 and you're 15, go!  
  
Lindsay: Ok, Liz, great. now they know our age AND our names, why don't you just give them our address..  
  
Liz: OK!! 17.  
  
Lindsay: ::smacks Liz:: SHUT-UP!!  
  
Liz: Yes, ma'am. ::mumble, mumble::  
  
Lindsay: ::sigh::  
  
Liz: Fine then, I'll introduce them  
  
Lindsay: Why are we fighting about introducing the story?? We don't even know what it's about.  
  
Liz: Ok. Here are our first wonderful guests  
  
Lindsay: Guests??  
  
Liz: Yes, guests. GWEN AND BOB!!!  
  
Gwen: Thank you guys, really! ::big smile::  
  
Bob: Uhhh, yeah. hey  
  
Lindsay: I GOT A GOLDEN EGG! ::looks up from game:: no. don't tell them I said that. stop, Liz I'm serious stop!!! ELIZABETH!!! ::comes and attacks Liz::  
  
Bob: I WANNA HELP ::joins fight::  
  
Gwen: Just because you want to be a sumo wrestler, bob, doesn't mean you can jump in on everyone's fights!  
  
Liz: ::crawls out from fight and limps over to hosts' desk:: STOP IT YOU TWO!!!  
  
Lindsay: ::Leaves fight and goes to continue her game::  
  
Bob: ::continues fighting himself::  
  
Liz: ::glances at Bob with a confused look on her face:: What is the word I'm searching for. ANYWAY  
  
Lindsay: So Gwen, Bob, would you care for some Mountain Dew?  
  
Gwen: Su.  
  
Lindsay: 'Tatoe!! ::begins watering crops on game the wrong way::  
  
Bob: I would like some Moutain Dew..  
  
Liz: You can't have any, you've earned yourself a tiiiiime out  
  
Lindsay: ::stares at bob:: Why, is his head so big?? WHY is his head so big?? ::glances at Gwen's nametag:: HEY!! YOU HAVE THE SAME NAME AS MY COW!!  
  
Bob: I don't have to take this .  
  
Lindsay: CRAP!!  
  
Everyone: ::stares::  
  
Bob: I'M GONNA GO JOIN THE SUMO WRESTLING LEAGUE OF ANARCTICA!!! ::storms off::  
  
Liz: Look what you did Lindsay!!! If you scare off ONE MORE GUEST.  
  
Lindsay: ::laughing insanely::  
  
Gwen: Do you two always fight? Lindsay: What?  
  
Gwen: Do you two always fight?  
  
Lindsay: WHAT??  
  
Gwen: DO YOU ALWAYS FIGHT!?!?!?  
  
Lindsay: WHAT I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M BLIND!!  
  
Liz: ::smacks Lindsay:: SHUTUP  
  
Lindsay: WHAT!?  
  
Liz ::deep sigh::  
  
Lindsay: Where iiiiiis HE going? ::points at Bob::  
  
Liz: YOU SCARED HIM AWAY!!  
  
Gwen: ::sob:: If you two could just get along.  
  
Liz: Woah. you're our mother??? Wooooooow.  
  
Lindsay: Mommy??  
  
Gwen: ::thinks over the prospect of mothering children this insane:: Oh my God. ::runs away in terror::  
  
Liz: Great. there goes another one  
  
Lindsay: Henry, Clay Henry, He got real big on burgers and fries, thanks to subways he's a smaller size.  
  
Liz: ??  
  
Lindsay: We'll be right back with some more guests after this commercial break!!  
  
Author's Note: Hehe. I hope you liked it. please review, a second chapter is coming up shortly. :) -Liz and Lindsay 


	2. Woody, Curt, and Joe

******Commercial Break*****  
  
Guy: Hey Sally whatcha doin??  
  
Sally: Stealing fodder from Bob's Barn!!  
  
Guy: Really? Cool!  
  
Sally: Yeah!! I know, free fodder for all!!  
  
Announcer: Bob's Barn, Where Fodder is Free  
  
***  
  
Dia wearing a navy business suit: Have you ever been faced with charges for a crime you committed while under the control of an extra terrestrial force? Then we're the people you need!! Call "Dia's Law Office: Protecting the Mentally Ill" today!!!  
  
****** End Commercial Break*******  
  
Lindsay: And we're back from our home planet!!!  
  
Liz: ::elbows Lindsay::  
  
Lindsay: I meant. well. you know what I meant hahaha ::mumbles something about earthlings::  
  
Liz: Anyway, Our next guests are some of your favorites I'm sure. they are mine!!!  
  
Lindsay: WELCOME WOODY, JOE,AND CURT!!  
  
::They walk onstage::  
  
Woody: Me and my associates are very happy to be here today ::crosses arms and furrows eyebrows:: However, we have heard of what you did to our poor Bob and Gwen, and we want you to know that we will NOT stand for that sort of treatment.  
  
Lindsay: ::stares at Woody with mouth open::  
  
Woody: What?  
  
Lindsay: What?  
  
Woody: What?  
  
Lindsay: What?  
  
Liz: SHUTUP!!  
  
Lindsay: RUNAWAY CHICKEN!!! ::looks up from playstation.:: what?  
  
Liz: Don't start that again. Or I'll have to say the word.  
  
Lindsay: Hey Liz. lemme ask you a question. how doooo you put up with me?? ::runs around knocking on everyone's head::  
  
Liz: APPRECIATE!!!  
  
Lindsay: NOOO MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING ::hunches over holding stomach::  
  
Liz: Lindsay. that's your liver  
  
Lindsay: Oh yeah. ::switches to holding head:: MY LIVER  
  
Liz: ::deep sigh::  
  
Woody: Ahem. I believe you have forgotten some people.  
  
Lindsay: Who??  
  
Woody: US!!!  
  
Lindsay: Oh yeah.  
  
Liz: Woody, I'm sorry, but if you don't wish to be totally and completely crazy for the remainder of your life expectancy, I will have to ask you to leave.  
  
Woody: FINE!!!! ::runs our bawling::  
  
Lindsay: So, I guess that leaves Curt and Joe.  
  
Curt: ::staring at random guy in front row, with mouth hanging open::  
  
Lindsay; ::gasp:: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME CURT!! WHEN I SAW YOU PLANTING THOSE FLOWERS IN FRONT OF OUR CABIN, I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!! ::sob::  
  
Liz: . . . so, Joe. whatdya know?  
  
Joe: ::pretending to fish people out of the audience:: Yes, what was that?  
  
Liz: Umm, right  
  
Lindsay: HE CAUGHT ME ::reeled in by imaginary fishing pole:: NOOOOO!! EVERYTHING IN LIFE GONE ALLLLL GONE!!!  
  
Joe: Sorry about that!! ::Lets go of fishing pole::  
  
Lindsay: YOU SHOULD BE!!  
  
Curt: Joe  
  
Joe: Curt  
  
Lindsay: Liz  
  
Liz: Are you ALL crazy!!!  
  
All: Yes!  
  
Liz: Oh..should've known that was coming  
  
Lindsay: I need mountain dew  
  
Curt: Lindsay, I'm sorry, but it's Mark I really love :::points at guy in audience::  
  
Lindsay: NOOOOOOOOO. . .ok  
  
Curt:: right. ::runs off in crowd with his new boyfriend::  
  
Liz: That was special.  
  
Joe: I feel so alone on this strange planet. away from all sorts of sugar free materials. ::sniff::  
  
Lindsay: If there WASN'T sugar up here, then this story wouldn't be half as freaky.  
  
Liz: The girl has a point.  
  
**45 minutes later**  
  
Joe: ::Jumps off stage and lands in the lap of an  
  
Exceptionally large lady:: THIS WILL NEVER WORK  
  
Liz: wow. I think that was his 50th attempt.  
  
Lindsay: CONGRATS!!! ::runs to put jello underneath his next landing place::  
  
Liz: Well time for our next commercial break have fun!  
  
Author's Note: I know our stories are hard to follow, but we warned you!! 


	3. Harvest Sprites and Goddess

***Commercial Break***  
  
::Camera zooms through the forest and up towards city:: Katie's Voice: Flower Bud Village. the only tropical paradise fit for you and your family, visit it any 'ole time, there is no lack of hospitality, and there's always a neighbor willing to help you! You can run around with our town idiot, Timmy, or you can have fun with the town drunks, in the tavern, or you could.just have fun!!  
  
::Camera settles on a view of the lake::  
  
***  
  
::Two dogs standing next to large buffet of food::  
  
Dog 1: DUDE, Welcome to our new restaurant!!! ::Steps back and begins drooling at all the food::  
  
Dog 2: Chicken's eat free on Mondays, On Tuesdays you can EAT chicken free, on Wednesdays, Cows eat free. Thursday, is beef night, and on Friday sheep eat free. On Saturday we have the lamb chop special all day long! And on Sundays, we rest..  
  
Dog 1: And remember dogs eat free EVERY DAY!!  
  
***End Commercial Break***  
  
Lindsay: ::sneaks quietly toward light board:: hehehe. ::puts all lights to 100%::  
  
Liz (Onstage rehearsing): I SEE A BRIGHT LIGHT!!!  
  
Lindsay: Doooon't gooo tooorwards iiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!  
  
::Fuse blows, all goes dark::  
  
Liz: Is this the end.am I in heaven now?  
  
Lindsay: Yes.yes, your are.  
  
Liz: wooow. It's.so. dark  
  
Lindsay: Could you hold on a minute Liz, I'm watering crops right now, can't you see!!  
  
Liz: God. is that you? YOU KNOW MY NAME!!  
  
Lindsay: I am your mother. I mean father.AHHHH I DROPPED THE EGG. the precious egg ::sob::  
  
Liz: You. killed an unborn child?  
  
Lindsay: sure, whatever you wanna call it.  
  
::Lights go back on::  
  
Liz: hey. this doesn't look like heaven.  
  
Lindsay: aww.  
  
Liz: ::sigh:: anyway. now it's time to introduce our guests.  
  
Lindsay: I WANNA DO IT, I WANNA DO IT  
  
Liz: Fine, go ahead..  
  
Lindsay: YAY! Now it's time to introduce our guests.who were they again?::liz whispers into her ear:: oh yeah.. them . THE HARVEST SPRITES AND THE GODDESS!!!  
  
::goddess walks onstage, little scampering noises follow her::  
  
Goddess: Thank you, Lindsay.  
  
Lindsay: ::gasp:: I've never seen her in person before ::looks into bag and throws a flower at her head:: can I make a wish!?  
  
Goddess: Sure, what the heck.  
  
Lindsay: ok.I wish that I had beat all 9 endings of harvest moon. Goddess: ok. ::credits pop up on lindsay's harvest moon game:: ::continues to start where nine little boxes show her endings::  
  
Lindsay: NOOOO!! I WAS JUST JOKIN' I DIDN'T THINK IT'D REALLY WORK!!  
  
Goddess: I'm sorry, I can't undo the wish .  
  
Lindsay: ::sobs:: NOOO, MAKE IT STOP, TAKE IT BACK ::continues to throw flowers at her head:: MAKE IT STOP, NOOOO!!  
  
Liz: . ::sigh:: anyway ::looks over at a still sobbing and flower brandishing  
  
Lindsay:: Now Goddess, I understand that you live in a lake. exactly how does that work?  
  
Goddess: ::cowering in chair, being repeatedly hit in the head with flowers:: Well, OW, I can, OW, OW, live, OW, anywhere I like, OW!!! ::sudden scampering heard in the direction of Lindsay::  
  
Lindsay: what. THE CATIPILLARS ARE TAKING OVER, I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN ONE DAY, I KNEW IT! ::suddenly harvest sprite become visible to Lindsay::  
  
Nik: You can only see us if you believe Lindsay.  
  
Flak: And you believe.  
  
Lindsay: I BELIEVE!!  
  
Nak: okay!!  
  
Liz: ::looks over at Lindsay, talking to the wall:: ahem. please excuse my co-star ma'am, she's a little special.. ::turns to Lindsay:: Lindsay, what'd we say about talking to walls again?  
  
Lindsay: ::looks at Liz with a big smile:: I BELIEVE!!  
  
Nik, Nak, and Flak: SHE BELIEVES!!  
  
Liz: ::begins spazzing out:: I'M HEARING VOICES. I'M TURNING INTO LINDSAY!! NOOOOOO!!  
  
Lindsay: ::whimper:: ::sniff:: ehehehehehe(fake crying), ACK,ACK (coughing)  
  
::Nik, Nak, and Flak begin talking animatedly about their home planet and other stuff::  
  
Lindsay: Liz. they're one of us.  
  
Liz: woooow.::stares::  
  
Goddess: ::runs in terror::  
  
Lindsay: oh no. I can't see them anymore. WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!?  
  
Liz: I could never see them..  
  
Lindsay: ::begins running around in grief:: I CAN'T SEE THEM ANYMORE NOOO ::scamper, scamper, Squish, squish, squish:: oops.  
  
Liz: .errr, that's the last time Lindsay, remember when we had that little talk about not squishing the guests anymore?  
  
Lindsay:: Maybe I need to make friends. ::looks up from game:: oh, were you talking to me?  
  
Liz: ::sigh:: forget it.  
  
Lindsay: okie-dokie  
  
Liz: well. I guess we have to go, since Lindsay squished and scared the guests.  
  
Author's Note: I hope y'all liked that. once again I'm sorry if most of this makes no sense to people. anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!! Even if you didn't like it. we still like to hear from you!! 


	4. Dia, Gina, and Martha

***Commercial Break**  
  
Liz and Lindsay: ::marching around the room, singing:: CHERRY MOUNTAIN DEW, IT'S GOOD FOR ME IT'S GOOD FOR YOU, CHERRY MOUNTAIN DEW IT'S GOOD FOR ME IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!! Announcer: Cherry Mountain Dew, Good for me, Good for you.  
  
***  
  
::Coffee Shop::  
  
Chicken 1: ::playing bongos::  
  
Chicken 2: eggs. eggs. eggs. they, hatch!! They, hatch!! They, nutritionize.nutritionize.  
  
Chicken 1: ::stops playing bongos:: Eggs.  
  
Chickens 1&2: I LOVE EGGS!!  
  
***End Commercial Break***  
  
Liz: ::singing:: Somewhere.over the rainbow, way up high. there's a land that I heard of once in a lullabye.  
  
Lindsay: Stop singing songs from the Wizard of Oz  
  
Liz: It's from Mary Poppins  
  
Lindsay: It's not from Mary Poppins  
  
Liz: Well it's not from the wizard of oz!! .wait. yes it is.  
  
Lindsay: ::rolls eyes::  
  
Liz: Anyway, today's guests are.. GINA, DIA, AND MARTHA!!!  
  
::They all walk onstage::  
  
Dia: ::nose in the air:: These lights are aging my beautiful complexion  
  
Gina: ::looking at feet, shuffling along::  
  
Martha: ::holding large platter of assorted cookies:: Cookies? Cookies anyone?  
  
Liz & Lindsay: No. no, thank you  
  
Lindsay: Look my horse is bowing at me!!! ::looks up:: oh.hi.  
  
Dia: ugh. nothing in this studio is green! ::gestures to servants:: come on, yes. more green. I SAID MORE!! ::servants rush to please Dia's commands:: You too Gina, don't slow down.  
  
Gina: Yes ma'am. ::looks down at feet and shuffles to help the servents::  
  
Lindsay: When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a water gun and squirt it into other people's eyes!  
  
Liz: ::not paying attention to Lindsay:: Oosh-wah! Oosh-wah! PRETTY SHAPES!!!  
  
Lindsay: I think the tables have turned in this chapter. . that means. . .I'M SMART!!!!!  
  
Liz: . . .and that's the way we became the scary bunch! Liz is too tired.  
  
Lindsay: 3rd person. . .?  
  
Liz: ::stares at Lindsay and then thinks:: Oosh-wah! Oosh-wah!  
  
Dia: I strive for attention. . .  
  
Lindsay: We know.  
  
Liz: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Lindsay: What!?!?  
  
Liz: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Lindsay: My God girl, what are you on? That's what I'm suppose to say!!  
  
Liz: ::repeats everything Lindsay just said:: Oosh-wah! Oosh-wah!  
  
Lindsay: SHUT UP!!!!  
  
Dia: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP AND PAYATTENTION TO ME!!!!  
  
Liz: Hehehe  
  
Lindsay: Did you just giggle?  
  
Liz: Hehehe.  
  
Gina: ::heart attack::  
  
Dia: Gina! Get up off the floor right now! Gina! I need you to help me! GET UP RIGHT NOW!!!!  
  
Martha: Gina. . if you get up now. . .I'll give you a cookie. . .Gina. . GINA!!!!  
  
Gina: ::flat lined::  
  
Dia: Gina!  
  
Liz: You killed her!!!  
  
Dia: I did not!  
  
Liz: My feet are moving but I don't have to take the pop quiz!  
  
Lindsay: ::Get's out the straight-jacket and puts it on Liz::  
  
Liz: Oosh-wah! Oosh-wah! ::Runs to the wall and starts to hit her head on the wall. . over and over. . and over and over. . ::  
  
Dia: Imma friend freak. I'm a freaky friend. my freaky friend is goneeeee.  
  
Lindsay: ::whimper:: I like being the crazy one  
  
Liz: You can be the crazy one next chapter.  
  
Lindsay: OKIE!! ::burp, monotone:: Bless me I have a little cold ::burp, monotone:: Bless me I have a little cold  
  
Liz: ::maniacal laugh:: ::cackle:: ::looks straight up:: woooooow  
  
Martha: MY MOTHERSHIP!!! WOOOO, BEAM MA UP MOMMA!! ::Martha is beamed up by floating Coca-cola can::  
  
Liz: Always, Coca-Cola.  
  
Lindsay: 80% chance of rain my butt. ::licks outlet plug::  
  
Liz: no wonder she's so weird.  
  
Lindsay: ::puts on liz's pants:: I'm liz! TURBO-WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR ::begins running around room:: PSSSSHHHHHHH!!  
  
Liz: See I was right you do spell it COCA-cola  
  
Lindsay: ::inching along, on hands and knees:: SHH I'm moving!!  
  
Liz: See.  
  
Lindsay: SHH!! I'm moving  
  
Liz: Fine  
  
Dia: ::commited to insane asylum::  
  
Liz: Take off my pants Lindsay!  
  
Lindsay: yes, my master ::Runs around with pants at knees:: Do you like my shorts?  
  
Liz: Yes, your powerpuff girl shorts are pretty  
  
Lindsay: NOBODY LIKES MY SHORTS ::gasp:: I marked on myself, anyway.NOBODY LIKES ME SHORTS ::runs around insanely:: ::hits camera:: THE SHORTS!! THE SHORTS!! ::screen starts to crackle and fizz out:: ::muffled sound that sounds eerily like "shorts" ::  
  
***Until Next Time**  
  
Author's Note: All that you have just witnessed are true events, you have information on either of these escapees from the insane asylum, please report back to the homebase. I mean insane asylum.. Have a nice day, this is not a news broadcast. 


	5. Questions

***Commercial Break***  
  
Announcer: This is a test, for the next 60 seconds this is a test, this is only a test: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. That was a test. Thank you.  
  
***  
  
Lindsay: Want a cute, adorable puppy? Come on over and you can just have her. Seriously I really don't want her. Well, I really can't stand her at all. I really hate her. Please come and take the stupid dog. Please! OH FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY TAKE THE GOSH DARN THING!!!  
  
***End Commercial Break***  
  
Lindsay: ::curled up in the corner rocking back and forth:: The world is not safe, the world is not safe. The world is not safe, the world is not safe.  
  
Liz: All goes well in Lindsay Town.  
  
Lindsay: Except when a big, giant, over grown lizard pops up and destroys everything!!  
  
Liz: Right. . .anyway, this chapter is dedicated to anyone who wants to ask a question about the show. ::Takes a microphone and walks into audience:: Any questions? Anybody?  
  
Guy: Hi, my name is Vaughn and I was wondering. . .dude, where's the bathroom!?  
  
Lindsay: Thank you!  
  
Vaughn: I gotta go, BAD!  
  
Lindsay: Fine. . .Caleb will you please show Vaughn where the bathroom is?  
  
Caleb: How do you know my name?  
  
Lindsay: I'm PSYCHO!  
  
Caleb: Ok then! ::shows Vaughn to the bathroom::  
  
Liz: Ok. . any other questions?  
  
Guy 2: Hi, my name is Zack and I was wondering, if potatoes could fly, what would you put in a bird feeder for them?  
  
Vaughn: ::coming from bathroom:: There's no toilet paper!!!  
  
Lindsay: ::answering the question:: I have no idea! ::to Caleb:: Go give Vaughn some toilet paper.  
  
Caleb: Why me?  
  
Lindsay: I'm PSYCHO!  
  
Caleb: Ok then! ::gets Vaughn some toilet paper and shoves it through the door at the bottom::  
  
Vaughn: ::coming from bathroom:: Thanks!  
  
Liz: Can we please have a normal questions?  
  
Lindsay: NO!!!  
  
Liz: ::sigh:: Anyone else?? ::nobody raises their hand and Vaughn comes back from the bathroom:: Anybody?  
  
Vaughn ::raises hand:: I love Alabama.  
  
Lindsay: That's great!!!  
  
Vaughn: I know!  
  
Liz: Ok. . .we'll be back after this commercial break with more interviews in a moment! 


	6. Parsley and Lyla

***Commercial break***  
  
::Victoria dancing around on stage stupidly, stops. Comes scarily close to camera::  
  
Victoria: Pepsi! For those who think young! ::tilts head all the way to one side, closes both eyes, and puts on a freakishly happy smile::  
  
***  
  
Liz: ::in a singy-songy voice:: My name is Liz. I like cats. La, la, la la, la! ::normal voice:: THAT'S NOT THE EVIL RAYMOND KID. . .is it? ::points to picture:: NOOO!!!! ::runs away in terror::  
  
***End commercial break***  
  
Lindsay: Sorry about that last commercial. . Liz has mental issues she needs to work out.  
  
Liz: ::running around, hitting head into the walls:: WHOO!!1 THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!  
  
Lindsay: ::runs after Liz:: Get back here you! ::grabs Liz and straps her down in a chair:: Now my work is down.  
  
Liz: ::screaming:: OOSH-WAH! OOSH-WAH!!  
  
Lindsay: I just can't shut her up!!!!!  
  
Liz: ::giggles insanely::  
  
Lindsay: Anyway! Our next guests are. . .  
  
Liz: Parsley and Lyla!!  
  
Lindsay: ::smacks Liz:: That's my job!!!  
  
Liz: I DON'T care!  
  
::Lyla and Parsley walk on stage:: Lyla: Hello everybody.  
  
Parsley: Hello, I can't stay long, plant hunting you know.  
  
Liz: Right. . .  
  
Lindsay: So. . Lyla, how is the shop going?  
  
Lyla: It's ok, the only customer I get is the Jack Farmer guy. . .  
  
Lindsay: ::whispers:: Me. . .  
  
Lyla: What was that, honey?  
  
Lindsay: ::looks away:: Nothing. . .  
  
Liz: Nothing. . hmmm. . No plus thing. . .hmmm. . NO THING!! ::giggles insanely again::  
  
Everyone: ::stares at Liz::  
  
Lindsay: Please excuse her. . she's special. . .  
  
Parsley: So. . do you have any plants? ::looks around like a bird:: Do you? Huh? HUH!?  
  
Lyla: Parsley. . did you take you medication?  
  
Parsley: ::looking everywhere for plants, even in the audience:: WHERE DID ALL THE PLANTS GO!?!?  
  
Liz: ::still strapped to chair, walking around with chair on back:: NO THING! NO THING! NO THING! NO THING!  
  
Parsley: ::collapses in a fit of insanity::  
  
::outside an van drives up with "Alabama Insane Asylum" written on both sides::  
  
Man #1: Where here to get a Mr. Parsley. . wait. . there he Is boys. Remember! Extreme caution when around this one.  
  
Parsley: No.no. you'll never take me alive.never I tell you ::dragged off by people in whit e jumpers::  
  
Liz: Aaaaaaaaaanyway  
  
Lindsay: SIT DOWN!  
  
Liz: Yes, mother  
  
Lindsay: Good girl  
  
Liz: ::beams::  
  
Lyla: Well, darlin' , now that HE is gone, I can tell you the secret.  
  
Lindsay: Liz. stop messing with the plot. Liz. quit typing.. Liz STOP THAT!!  
  
Liz: Okalidokali  
  
Lindsay: ::sigh:: ::Turns on playstation and is intrapped in Harvest Moon::  
  
Liz: Now. that we're rid of her, I can do what I want with the plot.  
  
Lyla: Parsley. is my father..  
  
Lindsay: Hey, Liz. Hey, Liz.  
  
Liz: What?  
  
Lindsay: They're watching you, they're watching you  
  
Liz: Ok  
  
Lindsay: Hey, Liz. Hey, Liz.  
  
Liz: What? Lindsay: It creeps you out doesn't it? Doesn't it?  
  
Liz: Ok  
  
Lindsay: Hey, Liz. Hey, Liz.  
  
Liz: WHAT??  
  
Lindsay: You're like the only chicken that hasn't laid a golden egg. ::mutters:: Stubborn.  
  
Lyla: Did y'all hear me??  
  
Liz: Yes. we heard you, all of us ::points at self::  
  
Lyla: What?  
  
Liz: Every single one of us.::continues to point at self::  
  
Lyla: You have multiple personalities?  
  
Liz: DON'T CALL IT THAT!!!  
  
Lindsay: Liz, would you like to visit me in my little cloud?  
  
Liz: YEAH!! ::runs up to the cloud::  
  
::Lindsay and Liz float away in a little cloud::  
  
Lyla: Umm. okaaaaaay..  
  
::screen goes out:: 


	7. Ronald and Louis

AN: Sorry, but we are running out of commercial ideas. . so this time, the commercials are alllllll about us.  
  
***Commercial Break***  
  
::James Bond theme music in background and Liz and Lindsay are in a forest, rolling around and hiding behind trees::  
  
Lindsay: Hurry Liz! The enemy is close by!!  
  
Liz: ::gasp:: Why did I wear my shorts and Birkenstocks today!?  
  
Lindsay: Hehehe, I'm always prepared!  
  
Liz: What!? You are never prepared! Like that one time when you didn't have those items to destroy the bad guy. . an d that time when. . .  
  
::James Bond theme music starts up again with Liz and Lindsay arguing::  
  
***  
  
::A warm summer night with fireflies all around::  
  
Lindsay: ::catches a firefly:: Look! It's my friend! I will name you Eric!  
  
Liz: Sadly. . it's the only thing that wants to be your friend.  
  
Lindsay: ::sadly:: Yes. . .  
  
Liz: ::catches a firefly:: Look! I have a friend too!  
  
Lindsay: ::catches another firefly:: Look! I have two friends! I will name you. . Billy!  
  
Liz: No, no, no, only one friend per person.  
  
Lindsay: Ok. . ::frees Billy:: Bye. . .::sniff:: Billy! Be good, and if the other fireflies pick on you. . remember what I taught you can kick some firefly a. . .  
  
Liz: Lindsay!!!  
  
Lindsay: ::blushes:: I sorry. . .::whispers to Billy:: Be good. . .LOOK LIZ!! THAT FIREFLY'S BUTT IT GLOWING! IT WON'T STOP!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!  
  
::Lindsay collapses in a spaz attack and Liz stares at her then runs away. . not getting help::  
  
***Commercial Break Ends***  
  
Lindsay: ::running around with a spray bottle with water squirting it up and jumping under the mist:: I'm singing in the rain!!  
  
Liz: ::looks up from reading Macbeth:: Freak. . . ::continues reading::  
  
Lindsay: ::sprays Liz's book::  
  
Liz: What are you doing!?  
  
Lindsay: I have no idea. . .  
  
Liz: Um, Ok. ::walks away from mist and puts down book::  
  
Lindsay: ANYWAY.  
  
Liz: I'm bored. I have absolutely NOTHING to do. except sit. with. you. ::begins the slow, dismal process of loosing her sanity::  
  
Lindsay: Were you EVER sane?  
  
Liz: If I wasn't I would've been insane, and technically wouldn't that be like "in-sane", as in a zone of sanity. meaning, I was actually sane the whole time?  
  
Lindsay: ::stares in confusion:: .. ::sprays mist:: SINGING THE RAIN, JUST SINGING IN THE RAIN, WHAT A WONDERFUL FEELING I'M HAPPY AGAIN.  
  
Liz: ::sigh:: Who are our guests anyway?  
  
Lindsay: ::going through drawer:: whoops, looking for something that wasn't there. Iiiiii'm a dork. ::picks up character guide:: How about. Ronald and Louis!!  
  
Liz: Okkkk. Come on out guys  
  
Ronald: Hey, y'all. We better cut this kind of fast 'cause I gotta go take care of my. ::looks around suspiciously:: "tomato" plants.  
  
Lindsay: How did you get here so fast? I, like, said your name and then * poof * you were here!  
  
Louis: I'm here too.  
  
Liz: What do you do anyway?  
  
Lindsay: SO MANY SMILIES SO LITTLE TIME!! I'm happy, I'm driving, I'm happy and I'm driving.  
  
Louis: I own.  
  
Lindsay: THE TOOL SHOP!! WHAT'D I WIN, WHAT'D I WIN!?  
  
Liz: ::hands over paper napkin:: Knock yourself out.  
  
Lindsay: MY HAT I WAS WONDERING WHERE IT WENT! ::puts napkin on head:: ::Begins meowing at kitty::  
  
Everyone Else: ::stares in utter terror::  
  
Lindsay: Here ::picks up another napkin:: where this Liz!!  
  
Liz: I'd rather not.  
  
Lindsay: WEAR IT!!  
  
Liz: Fine. ::puts on "hat":: ::looks at hand and sees a splinter:: INVADER!!! INVADER!!  
  
Lindsay: Here. let Lindsay fix it, just go find me a needle.  
  
Ronald: Needles? Needles? NEEDLES!!?? ::runs off stage in terror::  
  
Louis: He just wanted an excuse to go water his "plants"  
  
Liz: INVADER, INVADER!!!  
  
Lindsay: ::starts stabbing Liz with needle:: Almost got it..  
  
Liz: I'M BLEEDING NOW!!  
  
Lindsay: Liz ::sigh:: that's just 'cause you're thinking about it, try not to think about it  
  
Louis: Oh the confusion. ::walks far,far away::  
  
Liz: Well, that was short-lived. I guess we need new guests.  
  
Lindsay: Hey. ::looks at crowd:: You all remember Vaughn right?? Well. ::ahem:: now. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND ::starts singing "Going to the Chapel" in an un-naturally high voice::  
  
Vaughn: Um. Hi.Alabama IS cool. Vic: Yeah. Hi.  
  
Lindsay: ::turns on "Cha Cha Slide" and starts dancing to the instructions::  
  
Stereo: Take it back now, one step this time, Cha Cha real smooth.  
  
Lindsay: ::dancing::  
  
Vic &Vaughn: ::join Lindsay::  
  
Stereo: Five hops this time, right foot two stomps, left foot two stomps. . .  
  
Liz: ::stares at stereo:: EEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLLL ::holds up cross:: SEEDS OF REBELLION IN YOUR EAR!!!  
  
Vic: ::collapse in fit of giggles with Liz::  
  
Vaughn & Lindsay: ::stares at Vic and Liz, looks at each other and then keeps on dancing::  
  
::screen fuzzes out:: 


	8. Timmy and Jack

***Commercial Break*** Narrator: Ever wonder if there is a racehorse faster than yours? Timmy: ::moves highly close to camera:: ::bangs nose on screen:: ::curses, mother heard in background scolding:: FINE MOM!!! .. Zoom, zoom! ::everyone from harvest moon comes out dancing in a congo line singing the scary "zoom,zoom" song::  
  
*****************  
  
Bob: Are your chickens trapping you in the corner of a fence, and you can get out? Call this number now!! ::points at number at the bottom of screen:: ::reads outloud for all those illiterate people that are reading this:: 1-800-WE-DONT-CARE and for those who can't read the little letters on the phone buttons, also 1-800-93-3668-2273 ::cheesy smile::  
  
***End Commercial Break***  
  
Liz: AND WELCOME TO THIS CRAZY SHOW THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN FOREVER. I believe I've forgotten how to spell. Lindsay.  
  
Lindsay: Yes.?  
  
Liz: Take over  
  
Lindsay: ::starts dancing:: Hey Burrito! ::stares at crowd expectantly:: COME ON, Hey Burrito!  
  
Crowd: ::uncertainly:: hey burrito.  
  
Lindsay: Mmm yeah burrito  
  
Crowd: mmm yeah burrito. ::looks at Lindsay as if she's lost it::  
  
Lindsay: Taco Bell, Taco Bell  
  
Crowd: ::becoming more comfortable:: Taco Bell, Taco Bell  
  
Lindsay: Guacamole, Cinnamon twist!!!  
  
Crowd: Guacamole, Cinnamon twist!!!  
  
Lindsay: ::small voice:: hey burrito  
  
Crowd: ::small voice:: hey burrito  
  
Lindsay: ::small voice:: mmm yeah burrito  
  
Crowd: ::small voice:: mmm yeah burrito  
  
Lindsay: ::small voice:: taco bell, taco bell  
  
Crowd: ::small voice:: taco bell, taco bell  
  
Lindsay ::small voice:: guacamole, cinnamon twist  
  
Crowd: ::small voice:: guacamole, cinnamon twist  
  
Lindsay: HEY BURRITO!!!!  
  
Crowd: HEY BURRITO!!!!  
  
Lindsay: MMM YEAH BURRITO!!!!  
  
Crowd: MMM YEAH BURRITO!!!!  
  
Lindsay: TACO BELL, TACO BELL!!!!  
  
Crowd: TACO BELL, TACO BELL!!!!  
  
Lindsay: GUACAMOLE, CINNAMON TWIST!!!!  
  
Crowd: GUACAMOLE, CINNAMON TWIST!!!!  
  
Lindsay: Alright! Let's hear it for. . .GO TEAM!! ::does a cheerleading jump::  
  
Liz: ::stares at Lindsay in horror:: ::turns at stares at electrical outlet in horror::  
  
Lindsay: Liz.?  
  
Liz: THEY'RE INVADING THEY'RE INVADING  
  
Lindsay: I KNEW IT!! THE CLEAR RIBBONS ARE AT IT AGAIN!! GET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
::guys with nets jump out from nowhere and chase "clear ribbons" around with "clear nets"::  
  
Guy 1: YEAH I GOT ONE  
  
Guy 2: I GOT TWO  
  
Guy 3: I GOT THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLL ::all guys disappear::  
  
Liz: I guess it's time to bring out the guests.. Well, who's left Lindsay?  
  
Lindsay: Yeh think? Only Timmy and Jack ::sniffle:: looks like we'll have to end this soon ::breaks down into inconsolable tears::  
  
Liz: Chill girl.. COME ON IN TIMMY AND JAAAAACK  
  
Timmy: CAW CAW CAW ::runs around terrorizing random audience members:: CAW CAW CAW ::sits on somebody's lap::  
  
Jack: ::walks on stage with his hair at odd angles, his shirt stained with what appears to be apple juice:: SAVE ME, SAVE ME FROM THIS TERROR!!!  
  
Timmy: HEY, YOU SPILT MY APPLE JUICE  
  
Jack: ::eyes widen in horror:: SAVE MEEEEEEE  
  
Timmy: OOOOOOH well.  
  
Liz: ::to Lindsay:: What'd ya just say?  
  
Lindsay: What??? I CAN'T PUT THE CHICKEN IN MY BACKPACK.NOOOO WE CAN'T TAKE THEM TO THE HOMEPLANET LIZ, WE CAN'T, THERE'S NO WAY TO SMUGGLE THEM, GOD DOESN'T WANT THEM THERE ::gasp:: God?  
  
Liz: No, just call me Liz ::calmly ushers the hyper-active Timmy into a trash can and closes the lid, promptly placing him outside the studio doors::  
  
Lindsay: Jaaaaaack, guess what?  
  
Jack: . what?  
  
Lindsay: I PRETEND TO BE YOU SOMETIMES AND RUN AROUND ON MY LITTLE FIELD AND GO, 'HEY GWEN' ::waves at invisible cow:: 'HEY DIA' ::waves at invisible cow:: 'HEYGINA!' ::waves at invisible cow:: 'HEY LIZZIE!' ::waves at invisible chicken::  
  
Liz: Why am I a chicken?  
  
Lindsay: . ::hides in corner:: I need help. WITH MY 'TATOES!!  
  
Jack:::suddenly arrogant:: Why, I'm excellent with ::quote thing with hands:: "'Tatoes"  
  
Lindsay: ::swoons:: Show me your ways great one.  
  
Liz: OOOOOOOOOKAAAAAAY ::backs away slowly:: I guess that's that.. I am one scared host. wooooow.. I've actually been scared of Lindsay. or anyone else. do freakier people exist in the world? Hmmmm ::ponders::  
  
Lindsay: ::recovers:: THAT'S ALL FOLKS ::tries best imitation of porky pig::  
  
Well. ahem, that was interesting, not our best work by far, we haven't had the most caffeine that we could possibly have. but stay tuned ANYWAY for the very very last chapter. it's gonna be a big reunion and we hope it's better than this ::ahem:: CRAP!! So anyway. tune in hehehehe 


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